10 Questions, 1 Married Couple.

Count me in if it’s an
honest,
intelligently stimulating and
witty
conversation!
I wanted to interview a married couple who was going to be transparent about their marriage journey so far, no fronting!
Lo and behold, this amazing married couple agreed to do the interview but chose to remain anonymous.
Oui! Si! Ja! So here we’re, months after our interview.

A big thank you to this married couple for agreeing to share their story with us all.
God bless you guys and I really appreciate you both.
Much love.

Kindly grab a little notebook and pen.
This interview is loaded with golden nuggets.
Are you ready?

Love is a beautiful thing!

1. Tell us a bit about yourself?

The husband: I’m answering for my wife, because I always find it awkward answering this question.
She is a very intelligent, thoughtful, caring and loving person.
She is also a loyal friend.
She takes her relationships very seriously. She loves to dance, bake, pray and write.
She has the most beautiful smile.

The wife: I don’t like answering this question so I’m answering for my husband haha.
He is the realest, smartest, funniest, down to earth person I’ve ever met. Don’t let his bougie fashionista self fool you; he’s so chill and the best friend anyone could ask for.
I didn’t think I would find anyone who liked to fool as much as I did and yep, people don’t know it but I goof around a lot.

2. What was your single life journey like before you both crossed paths?

The husband: Hmm lol. I don’t know where to start from.
Hehe. I need to know your audience first lol. I say this because it’s easy for people to judge my past without realizing that everything that happened made me, makes me what I am today.
No regrets, only lessons.
My single life journey was exciting and fraught with challenges at the same time.
I’ve had some great relationships, met some wonderful people who’ve taught me so many useful lessons.
But throughout all the past relationships I never felt like I had met the “right” person.
Even though I don’t necessarily believe in a Mr. or Mrs. Right, I believe in compatibility.
So if that is what people mean when they say MR/Mrs Right then definitely it’s important to be with that person.

The wife: I had been through some rocky relationships that were good while they lasted. They all taught me a lot of things about myself and about life which I’m grateful for.
I had decided to take a year off after those relationships to practice self-care and just spend more time getting to know God and to work on myself.
And then I met him!!

3. What was your first impression of him?

The wife : I thought he was cute and charming when I first saw him. He gave me a firm handshake which stood out for me and we made eye contact but that was it. It wasn’t till I came back to his group of friends to say bye that we spoke and then I started to wonder if he was my husband. He made me laugh so hard and it felt like we had known each other for years. We were able to talk about any and everything without holding back. We talked for a long time and I enjoyed every bit of it. I didn’t want to leave but I had already told him I was leaving so I had to really leave in order not to look desperate. But all I wanted to do was keep talking to him. I noticed he was very layered and with every second that passed, I felt the layers peeling off gradually. So yeah, I thought he was cute, charming, well-dressed, funny, very intelligent and layered.

Awwwww!

4. What was your first impression of her?

The husband: We met through another mutual friend, at a wedding.
We didn’t talk very much immediately after we introduced ourselves but I know she will say I gave her a firm handshake. But I don’t remember lol. After the introductions, she walked away but she returned to say goodbye to our mutual friend. We started to talk for a bit…one thing that immediately became apparent to me was how easy she was to talk to. She had a big laugh..she laughed with her whole body. She doesn’t do that often these days or maybe I have just gotten used to it but when she laughed her whole body vibrated. At our mutual friend’s wedding, I even said she danced the Harlem shake when she laughed. (It would have been an obviously corny line had i intended to hit on her.)
So the conversation ensued, I also noticed that she was not judgmental. She entertained all my million and one questions about philosophy, religion, and politics. I enjoyed interacting with her on that intellectual level. I think we both said we were sapio-sexuals. I REALLY enjoyed the conversation. I was very present. I was not thinking about the future. I was just having a wonderful conversation with an amazing individual. I think I said a LOT that day. I definitely didn’t hold back. It didn’t feel like I could not trust her. She was (still is) a great listener. To recap lol: My first impressions of her: great listener, lovely smile and laugh, smart as hell, accepting, easy going, peaceful aura, calm.

5. When did you know she was “the one” for you?

The husband: Without sounding dramatic, I was SURE she was the one, the day I returned to the US. Instead of taking an Uber home, I spent some time at the airport just reflecting on all of our encounters. I knew it then.

6. When did you know he was “the one” for you?

The wife: After thirty minutes of meeting him, I kept asking myself if this was my husband. There was something about him that just sat very well with me. After he went back to the U.S, I kept praying about him and asked God to give me wisdom and the more I prayed, the more peace I felt. I don’t think I knew in one day but it became obvious every single day from the day I met him and even now after we are married, there’s no day when I don’t say to God,”Thank you for making this man for me and for making our paths cross.”

7. What are you most thankful for in your marriage?

The husband: Our ability to communicate, our conflict resolution mechanisms, our willingness to work hard to have a great marriage.
We put in a lot of work. Somethings we are intentional about. Celebrating small victories, making time to have fun, etc. We have a charter that we live by. It helps so much because we try not to compromise on our values but also make room for each other’s frailties. We are also very silly, we laugh at ourselves in the middle of arguments and I’m most grateful for that.

The wife: I’m grateful for the SEX!!! My husband has a rod that does some magic down there and oh Lord, it has me singing praises! Lol! yeah I know you weren’t expecting that but on a more serious note, I’m grateful to have a husband that believes in God and is curious about the world.
I’m also grateful for someone who appreciates and respects me. Someone who is ready to put in the work to ensure that we are being the best versions of ourselves. I’m also grateful that we’ve learnt how to resolve our conflicts in a respectful way. I’m also grateful for the humour he brings into the marriage.
When things are tense, he has a way of making things lighter with his sense of humour and calmness. It helps us not to take ourselves too seriously.

8. What has the few months of being married taught you?

The husband: Don’t listen to what people say. Find what works for your marriage. For the most part it’s an interaction between two unique people whose lives are intertwined. I study my partner like a course. I know her likes and dislikes. I have also learned so much about myself: for instance, I have found out that I can be impatient, I have also noticed that I need to live life at a slower pace; sometimes to allow life to happen instead of trying to control everything. I’ll borrow this metaphor that one of my bosses used: When you find a partner it’s like you have found a rough diamond, you have to keep working on it until it shines bright.
I am still taking the course, learning and learning each day but having fun while in the classroom.

The wife: If you listen to external voices, you’ll be digging yourself into a hole.
No matter what people say, in the end it’s up to the two of you to decide what’s best for you.
Marriage is hard work.
It takes the grace of God, patience, forgiveness, selflessness and a desire to be the best version of yourself.
You’ll learn new things about your partner everyday and you have to choose which battles you want to pursue and which things to let go off.
You also have to continue to be yourself and have your own identity while at the same time become one with them.

9. What 3 qualities do you admire in your spouse?

The husband: Sorry I changed it to five but that does not even do her justice: patience, calmness, loving, intelligence, easygoing

The wife: He is very wise, funny, easygoing, loyal and inclusive.

10. What advice do you have for anyone being pressured by family and friends to get married?

Him: it’s easy for me to say don’t give in to the pressure because of my privilege as a male. Unfortunately, we still live in a patriarchal society where it’s easy for women to be pressured by society to get married. Most men do not face the same problem. There is also social media, where lifestyles are curated to look perfect. No one will put a fight they had on their story just remember that. Not all that glitters is gold. Meditate, find your voice in the midst of all the noise and when you are ready, you will know. If you can’t ward off the pressure, at least find someone you are compatible with. If you can, please don’t be pressured into it. Certainly don’t settle. You will be miserable. When you start living together, you will hate the person. It’s a decision that should be made by you alone.
Her: The pressure from family and friends can be so real and painful. I don’t wish that upon anyone especially those with no intention to get married. The advice I can give is first to pray for grace to deal with it and for them to understand the different stages you are going through. I’ll also pray for inner peace to silence all the noise around them. The worst thing anyone can do in that situation is to rush and marry someone they don’t love. In the end after all the celebration is over, it will be the two of you left in the marriage and if that’s not what you want, you’ll be unhappy for a long time.

Some tips we’ve found useful:
Before we got married we did a lot of work on ourselves.
What did we do?
1. Studied destructive behavioural patterns in old relationships so as not to repeat them.
2. Took a hard look in the mirror and asked ourselves some difficult questions.
What are some of the things you don’t like about yourself.
Will you marry the person in the mirror?
If not work on changing them.

Nothing prepares you for the real deal but these are some of the things we have done that has helped
1. Know each other’s love language. Yeah it’s actually a thing. Even a cynic like myself sees the usefulness every now and then lol

2. Set out your values/a life charter: What kind of couples are you?
How are you fulfilled?
Do you like going out? Staying in.
Once you learn the things you enjoy doing together, go ahead and do them.

3. Let the other person live. Marriage doesn’t mean they can’t do the things they enjoyed doing when they were single.
What you were attracted to in the beginning has to stay intact.
Give them room to be an individual even though you are a union.

4. Fight fair: No mean words if you can.

5. How confident are you about the person’s family?
Your partner’s family will play a part. You can’t get rid of them so find a way to at least manage them or manage your expectations.

6. How you treat your partner is how other people will treat them.
Never say a bad word to your friends or family, it sticks with them.