I met Alex in the reading room at my hostel,my laptop kept freezing and he came to my rescue.

After studying in the reading room,I thanked him again and he insisted on walking me to my room.

How sweet of him, I thought.

That was when it all started…

Alex was the captain of the University of Ghana Basketball Team.He invited me to watch him play a basketball match.At the match,I was holding his backpack,water bottle and his phone for him.He kept winking at me and pointing in my direction every time he made a basket.

After the match,he introduced me to his team members as his “special person.”

You should have seen the silly grin on my face.

Alex was playing his cards right.

From that day,he tactically won his way into my heart. Alex asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks after we met and I screamed a Big YES!

Source: Pinterest

Alex was everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend.

He was funny without trying too hard.

He was the kind of guy you would look at once and steal three more glances at,he was breathtakingly handsome.

He was kind to everyone, even strangers.

He was well-read.

He was a gentleman and well-mannered.

We talked everyday and spent a lot of time together.

One day,I had a group presentation to prepare for, so I met with my group members in the morning at the library on Campus.The night before,I forgot to charge my phone,while in the library,my phone went off.The group meeting ended at 4pm and I was exhausted so I fell asleep when I got to my hostel.

After about an hour,I heard someone banging at my door.I peeped to see who it was,and it was my Alex.I quickly opened the door and in a split second,I was on the floor.

Alex gave me two slaps in my face and I fell to the ground.

He was pacing up and down my room and shouting,

“You pushed me to hit you!”

“Where have you been all day?”

“Your phone was off.”

“How long was that group study at the library ? Was it an eternal group study ?”

“I didn’t want to hit you but you caused this.”

“Babe,don’t push me to hit you again.”

My cheeks were hot and tears kept trickling down my face.I managed to sit up but I kept sobbing,he sat by me,put his arm around me and muttered an apology.

That evening,he bought me cupcakes with “Sorry Babe,Please” on them.

Source:Pinterest

I wanted to break up with Alex but he kept begging me to stay.

No man had ever laid a finger on me,why should my first boyfriend be the one to do this?

Even my Daddy had never hit me so I was heartbroken.

I had made up my mind,I would break up with him tomorrow after his basketball game.

The next day…

I was in the stands watching the game and avoiding eye contact with Alex.Fortunately,it was a good game and I was seated by my friends, so being there was a bit more bearable.

Source: Pinterest

When the referee blew the whistle at the end,Alex’s team came back to the court in a straight line singing Ed-Sheeran’s “Perfect.”

What’s going on?

The boys were walking towards me.

No way,what’s this?

Alex knelt down on the court and screamed,”Babe,please forgive me and let’s work this out.I love you,Babe.”

Everyone at the game was screaming or taking videos.

I will not fall for this Alex.

With “Perfect ” playing in the background,he walked up to me,kissed my forehead and the crowd went wild.

The girls were shouting “Awwwwww!” in unison.

“Babe,I’m sorry.Please forgive me ” he reached out for my hand.

“I forgive you,Alex.I’m giving us a second chance,please don’t ruin this one” my face inched closer to his and before we could stop ourselves,our first kiss happened.

Videos were up on Instagram,Facebook,Whatsapp,YouTube,Snapchat, you name it!

We were the talk of town for about a week.

Days and weeks went by…

Alex was always either verbally abusing me or physically abusing me.I used make up to cover up scars he had given me.

Everything I did or said was offensive in his eyes. “To teach me a lesson”, he would beat me up or rain insults at me.I could not tell anyone,my friends looked up to Alex and me and said we had a perfect relationship.I could not tarnish our reputation of being “Relationship Goals” on Legon Campus.

His apologies were always well calculated,he would apologise in the sweetest manner,always going the extra mile and outdoing himself.

Buying his way back into my heart.

I kept hoping he would change…

Change for the better.

That was hopeless hope because things kept getting worse.

Today,the straw broke the camel’s back.

I was on a conference call with my project supervisor and my teaching assistant for about two hours.Alex had tried calling me but my line was busy so he assumed I was talking to another guy and I was probably cheating on him.

Alex had the spare key to my room so he stood by my window and eavesdropped on the conversation.When he heard me laugh out loud,he barged into my room,snatched my iPhone and iPad and threw them downstairs from my balcony.Mind you,I was on the seventh floor.

Source:Pinterest

He started laughing,”No phone or iPad is equals to no cheating on me.”

I stood at the balcony looking down at the shuttered pieces of my phone and iPad.

I was so angry,my hands started to shake and my heart was pounding.

I walked up to Alex,”It was my supervisor and my teaching assistant on the line,and that iPad you threw downstairs has my final project work on it. Alex,I won’t wait for an apology from you today.Today,I walk away from you and everything that we once shared.I am tired of making excuses for you.I’m leaving this abusive relationship.

Alex,today,it’s over and I mean it.”

Photo credit : Gerard Nartey

“You’re such a drama queen,what do you expect me to do when I call you and your number is busy? Anyway,I am off to train,I will pass by after so we can talk.Stop this let’s “break up-break up” business.” he walked away.

Alex had to face the University’s Disciplinary Committee.He was stripped off his position in basketball team and was dismissed from the school.

The deadline for my final project was extended so fortunately, I was able to graduate.

It’s been two years since Alex and I last spoke.I blocked him from all my social media accounts and I changed my phone number.

Abusive relationships exist and the red flags show on a daily basis,ladies,be on your guard.

Pray for God to help you make the right decisions.

Gentlemen, don’t hit her,no matter what or verbally or psychologically abuse her.

You can’t come and kill yourself in the name of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

You can walk away from your boyfriend or girlfriend,it wouldn’t be called divorce.

Thank you all for passing through,I appreciate you so much.Thank you to the regular visitors ,my blog followers, my first time visitors and a warm welcome to you reading this.

Please share your thoughts on abusive relationships and tell me what you think about this blog post.Let’s have a chat 💃🏾 in the comment section below.

I love love getting feedback from you all.

Love,

Esasina!

DISCLAIMER :This is blogpost is a work of fiction.Names,characters,places and incidents are either the product of my imagination or are used fictitiously.Any resemblance to actual events is entirely coincidental.

78 thoughts on “« You can’t come and kill yourself »

  1. Great read Sina!
    Despite the fact that it’s fictitious, this is unfortunately a vivid and a daily reality. This post has really got me thinking on some interventions, whether it’s important for people to learn the essence of relationships, or, when to get into a relationship, what to consider before saying Yes, how do I identify that my partner would potentially abuse me in the future, how to leave or work through an abusive relationship…etc…so many thoughts…

    Great piece Sina!

    Like

  2. This makes an excellent message for the #StopVAWG #16days campaign to eliminate violence against women and girls. Sharing it would definitely be worth it.

    Plus, I used to wonder why most women would wait till it gets haywire before they walk out of an abusive and violent relationship and this just made me realise why. The hope that the man would change is why, I think. But must we wait till he changes? How about you break out of that relationship before you are entirely broken and unable to recover? This really must be a wake up call for women and girls!

    Thank you Sina!

    Like

  3. *And the crowd goes wiiiiiillllllld*
    This post right here!!! I think I should spend more time on here considering the fact that your posts reach my inner spirit animal. Esasina!! You’ve done it again. God bless you Padikwor. I knew I’d meet you again and you’d impact in my life again

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Whao! *clapping for you in my head*
    This is well thought out and put together.
    This is my first time on your blog and this is the first thing that caught my eye.
    You are so right. Control is not equal to love. Condoning it is giving him and others like him more power. I’m proud of your role in this piece even though it’s fiction.
    Cheers 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great piece…… this is really a social canker.
    Fortunately for me i have a wondeful family that will always teach you the virtue of *knowing your rights and standing up to them no matter where you find yourself* especially in relationships. I think parent should really spend time teaching their growing children this virtue because that is the basic foundation. And those in such relationships should forget forget about changing the other party. It doesn’t work that way. Why kill yourself because somebody’s pikin…… Oya pack out oF that relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oya!! Pack and go…lol! Parents have a huge role to play in our lives but these days,how many parents make time to discuss sensitive issues with their children? God bless the parents who are doing a great job at raising their children.Thank you for reading Prilla.

      Like

  6. I really cannot come and kill myself. Kwor this is really good if you hadn’t put up the disclaimer I would have thought it to be real. However I Believe this is seriously going on in some relationships and some of the victims be it the male or the female do not see it as such. I hope that as people read this it would throw more light on any form of abuse in their relationships. And truly truly a breakup in a relationship is not divorce. Breaking up now is better than marrying the abusive partner who would definitely do worse when married. The people we want to please by being in the relationship don’t know how much you’re suffering and they’re are definitely not worth enduring abuse for. It’s much better to be single and happy than to be in an abusive relationship. There’s someone out there who would love you for who you are flaws and all so don’t settle for less. The abusive Partner is not worthy of having you😆.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you so much Sina, you know, I’ve been a relationship whereby the lady thinks for me. Anything I do or say makes her think that I am cheating on her…. Like who does that, how can you be in a relationship with no trust. I just made up my mind because it was killing me slowly all in the name of “I love you”… To hell will I allow myself to be pressed in that manner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Paul for reading.A relationship should create an enabling environment for both partners to thrive and become become better.I agree with you Paul,trust is necessary in building relationships.

      Like

  8. Awwww it’s my first time here and I totally loved it! Amazing piece!! We really cannot come and kill ourselves haba!😆 really enjoyed this! Advice taken too!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks for sharing I can equally attest to this,I have been physically, and emotionally abused ,I kept hoping for change but I was wrong, reading this bought tears to me ,I share similar story It look alot of courage,determination and a focused mindset to have left,I saud to myself I deserve better,I’m too beautiful to be treated in that manner and most importantly I’m made in the likeness and image of God the one who first loved me and still does,as I kept repeating these words to myself I finally got the courage to leave. Love should not be an excuse for us to endure such acts,especially from someone who was never apart of your life untill you meet each other,even our parents treat us better despite all the troubles we have caused them,so why allow someone. We deserve better to all my ladies going through similar situations snap out quickly before its becomes too late.Much love!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. wow.. this is a nice piece.. read everything from beginning to the ens and it looks so real.. it happens though and most ladies close their eyes on them in the name of love and the fear of being alone…but never know they are red flags like you said and red flags are no go areas. love this piece girl. keep it up

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Ivana for reading.Sometimes, ladies ignore all the signs and have so much faith in their abusive partners.When he hits her,she will take the blame for his action.
      Thank you for passing through Ivana.

      Like

  11. Great message from the story. Keep up the good work. They are so many people who must walk out of their abusive relationships whether physical or verbal. And yes verbal abuse is still abuse. Relationships must be built on mutual love and respect. God bless you . I will be waiting for your book launch

    Liked by 1 person

  12. waow! First of all, can I just say you are such a good writer! I read everthing from beginning to end and honestly thought it was a real story! You’ve addressed something so major here and this story sounds familiar. A friend of mine experienced this sort of thing and was almost raped by her “boyfriend”. It was hard to watch her go through all this as a friend, even after numerous attempts at trying to convince her to leave him. At times when he came to visit, we will even say she’s not home. Just to protect her. After thr almost rape incident, she finally broke thinks off! The relief. She was the only friend in our circle in a relationship. So she wanted to maintain that “goals title”. May we never sacrifice our peace, integrity and life in the name of “relationship goals”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joan🤗🤗 thank you for passing through.Abusive relationships are draining on the victim and sometimes on the culprit.I can imagine how difficult it was for you and your friends to watch your friend go through an abusive relationship. I am glad she walked away.May we have peace in our relationships and not have to deal with abusive partners.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I think the article should clearly highlight the foolishness of the girl.

    Look, it’s not like you’re married to him or pregnant for him, he’s a mere boyfriend and you allow him to treat like this?

    It’s only unwise girls who experience abusive relationships. Cause from the word go if you’re wise you would know that, the guy is a stray cow.
    And you even give him a spare key to your room???

    One of the emerging trends I have observed is, most ladies don’t know their worth, so they trade it for any currency.

    It’s not every guy who is a boyfriend for that matter a husband, get wise!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading Gabby.It’s unbelievable but a lot of ladies are in such relationships,people who paint a beautiful picture of their relationship but suffer at the hands of their partners daily.
      Some ladies es hold on to the few good memories and believe it’s worth giving the abusive partner a second chance. It’s really sad but no abusive relationship be it physical,psychological or emotional. It’s not worth it.

      Like

  14. This is excellent work, Kwor! Most people in emotionally abusive relationships ignore the warning signs because they feel it’s not physical like they expect it to be. I feel awareness about the different kinds of abuse should be made. It would save so many lives. This is a great read🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Annie! Thank you for passing through and sharing your thoughts.We all have a role to play in creating awareness on the different kinds of abuse that exist.It sure will save many lives.Thank you again Annie😊.

      Like

  15. Interesting story. For a moment I thought this was your personal experience. Abuse in any form should not be tolerated in relationships. Most women are victims of abuse but feel shy to seek help. More awareness needs to be made on this topic. More grease to your elbow Padikwor.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. It’s awesome that your put this in such a captivating story. I hope girls will take a cue. Life is too precious and short to spend so long a time collecting emotional, mental and physical scars. What abusers really need is help -loads of it- and not the abused…so it’s ok to walk away. Bless you Esasina.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Thank you so much Kwor. I spoke to a friend yesterday, and he was like guys treat you based on how they see you treat yourself(maybe some). To some extent it’s true. I think we should love ourselves so much and respect ourselves so that we wouldn’t let just anyone in and even if the signs were not showing at the beginning, immediately you see it, you should leave

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Cynthia,thank you for reading and commenting.I believe that the way a guy treats a girl should not be dependent on how she treats herself and vice versa.We should treat guys with respect and guys should treat girls with respect too.That’s true,we should not trade our sanity in the name of being “in love”,it’s not worth it.
      Let’s walk away when we see the signs because really,you cannot come and kill yourself.🙄🙄

      Like

  18. Totally tongue tied! Great read! For your character, i think she was brave enough to walk away. I hope we can all muster the courage to walk away from the things that drain our energies more than strengthen us. Great job girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. It’s a great piece that paints the reality some of us experience in our relationships. In my opinion, no one deserves to be abused; be it by any form. And sadly there are people in relationships that don’t even think of it as abuse, especially the verbal form, in our modern day and age! Keep up the good work of bringing these issues to light.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Thank God this is fiction!!! I was close to tears reading this…
    to add my voice to the dialogue, any form of abuse in a relationship is NOT a sign of love! One must flee from such a relationship after the first incidence. Also the culprit needs as much help as the victim – so if you are guilty of abuse in a relationship, seek help

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awwww,thank you for reading and commenting Iris.Abuse on all levels is wrong.I agree with you,the victim and culprit must both seek help from a psychologist or counsellor.Both parties need help.😘😘

      Like

  21. That aside, thanks for sharing. Abusive relationships should not tolerated in any form.
    Whether the abusive is physical, verbal, psychological (particularly anything that diminishes your sense of self worth) etc.

    Especially in a “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship. You’ll be really killing yourself for cheap

    Liked by 4 people

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