LESSONS FROM THE PAST.

Hii there, I know that it’s been awhile but I am here now.

I missed you too and by God’s grace,I’m on my Christmas break so Yay! I am excited!!

I like talking about love and relationships,so indulge me.

This is not a rule,these are just things I have learnt and I want to share with you all.

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“I love you Kwor,”He typed

I was about to reply when I saw that he was still typing,I paused and waited for the rest of his message.

“Kwor,you and I are meant to be,you know me through and through and I think we can make this work.Will you be my girlfriend?”,he typed.

Well,well, I was online and he had probably seen the blue ticks (this Whatsapp feature though)  indicating that I had read his message.

We had been friends for over two and a half years and well,he is a nice guy (those saying Friend Zone,be careful! lool…) but I did not feel the same way for him.

He is an amazing friend but not someone I want to marry and to spend everyday with.

I replied,”Wow! I kinda saw this coming but I really think we should meet up and talk this over.”(Chale,some of you boys put girls in uncomfortable positions oo.)

I met up with him and we had a  chat,eventually he understood my position and respected my decision.

What did I say to him?

I do not feel the same way for you,you are an amazing person and I believe there is an amazing woman out there for you.
Personally,I am careful when it comes to handling issues of this sort because I know it is not easy for some gentlemen to openly share how they feel.

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I dated a childhood friend of mine some time back, life happened and we had to go our separate ways.

It was fun while it lasted but it had to end.“He personally carried our sins in His body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right.BY HIS WOUNDS YOU ARE HEALED.” 1 Peter 2:24 .

I found solace in this scripture, I let go and let God heal me. Jesus really  heals the brokenhearted.

Photo Credit Emmanuel Obuobi @obeimages

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After that period of my life, I took time off to analyse what had ensued..

I realized things had not gone as planeed but I had learnt some lessons anyway from our relationship.

I came up with the following.

1. I am tired of games… Heart cracks/breaks are painful.

I know this may sound cliche but it is truth. I have seen many of my friends go through heartbreak, but until I went through one myself, I did not understand the degree of pain and hurt.

It is an uncomfortable experience and if you do not deal with it,it will lead to unforgiveness and bitterness.

You need to forgive the person and move on.

2. The next gentleman I date will be my husband and father of my children.GODWILLING.

Oh Yes!!

I mean,t he next relationship will be dating with a purpose(courtship).

During my healing process,a family friend asked me to make three lists.The first list was “Things I will love to see in my future husband “, second list “The things I know I cannot handle in a relationship/marriage” and lastly “The things I don’t necessarily like but I can compromise with in marriage or relationship.”

I will share two examples of the above. It was a very helpful exercise and I entreat you to  do same in your  journal.

I ended up with many pages.

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1.My future husband must be Christ conscious and live for Christ.

2.My future husband must be a good conversational partner(Effective Communication is KEY.)

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1.I cannot handle someone who does not take care of himself(NO POOR PERSONAL HYGIENE; smell good, dress decently, JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!)

2.I cannot handle someone who beats women or bullies others.

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1.I will love it if my future husband is taller than I am, but if not, it’s all good(same height is okay or a few inches shorter…lol).

2.I will love it if my future husband knows how to really cook(chef extraordinaire), but if he just knows how to boil rice and to prepare tomato stew, it’s okay, at least he knows how to cook the basics.

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3.Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do not make a decision based on your feelings and then, take it to God in prayer hoping He will bless your decision.

By doing this, your ears become deaf to The Holy Spirit’s prompting. You become blinded and see only what you want to see, you do not see the reality.

This is usually the point where you pray amiss, you become anxious and are unhappy when they don’t go as planned.

Meditate on the Word of God.

Take Time off to pray everyday.

Do not be afraid of being single again,

Fellowship with other believers and surround yourself with like-minded friends.

Read Christian literature on Godly dating.

Unlearn the things of the world and go God’s way.

Never too late to start praying for your future spouse and marriage.BEAR HIM or HER UP IN PRAYER, whether you have already met or not.

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“For everything there is a season,a time for every activity under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

4.Set boundaries and do not create the atmosphere to break your boundaries

I also wrote down the mistakes I made in my first relationship and asked God to help me learn from my mistakes and to stay on track.

So for example,when I was dating,we decided that we were going to be careful with how intimate we got.

We created boundaries like; no making out, sleepovers and sex .

Even though we had boundaries, we struggled with maintaining our boundaries, our actions were sometimes in contradiction to our decision to stay pure.

It is one thing to set boundaries and it is a blessing to remind each other of the stance you have taken to stay pure.When this happens, no one feels like he or she is policing the relationship alone.The joint effort to help each other grow in the Word and to strive unto perfection is beautiful.

So when I visit you and it’s getting late, hearing you say “Kwor, it’s pretty late and as much as I want us to hang out, I think it is in our best interest if we call it a day.”

That is LOVE right there!!

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So yes, I believe that even when things do not go as planned,there is always a lesson to learn from our experiences and that of others.

With Love,

Esasina..xoxo

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28.