LESSONS FROM THE PAST.

Even though we had boundaries,we kept creating an unhealthy atmosphere that was contradicting our decision to stay pure.

Hii there, I know that it’s been awhile but I am here now.

I missed you too and by God’s grace,I’m on my Christmas break so Yay! I am excited!!

I like talking about love and relationships,so indulge me.

This is not a rule,these are just things I have learnt and I want to share with you all.

 


 

“I love you Kwor,”He typed

I was about to reply when I saw that he was still typing,I paused and waited for the rest of his message.

“Kwor,you and I are meant to be,you know me through and through and I think we can make this work.Will you be my girlfriend?”,he typed.

Well,well, I was online and he had probably seen the blue ticks (this Whatsapp feature though)  indicating that I had read his message.

We had been friends for over two and a half years and well,he is a nice guy (those saying Friend Zone,be careful! lool…) but I did not feel the same way for him.

He is an amazing friend but not someone I want to marry and to spend everyday with.

I replied,”Wow! I kinda saw this coming but I really think we should meet up and talk this over.”(Chale,some of you boys put girls in uncomfortable positions oo.)

I met up with him and we had a  chat,eventually he understood my position and respected my decision.

What did I say to him?

I do not feel the same way for you,you are an amazing person and I believe there is an amazing woman out there for you.
Personally,I am careful when it comes to handling issues of this sort because I know it is not easy for some gentlemen to openly share how they feel.

 


 

I dated a childhood friend of mine some time back ,somehow,it all dissolved in the ocean.

It was a roller coaster ride of emotions for me!!

It was an experience  I do not want to relive.

“He personally carried our sins in His body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right.BY HIS WOUNDS YOU ARE HEALED.” 1 Peter 2:24 .

I found solace in this scripture,I let go and let God heal me.Jesus really  heals the brokenhearted.

the-new-you
Photo Credit Emmanuel Obuobi @obeimages

 

After that period of my life,I took time off to analyse what had ensued..

I realized things had not gone my way but I had learnt some lessons anyway from my mishap.

I came up with the following.

 

1. I am tired of games… Heart cracks/breaks are painful.

I know this may sound cliche but it is truth.I have seen many of my friends go through heartbreaks,but until I went through one myself,I did not understand the degree of pain and hurt.

It is a terrible experience guys and if you do not deal with it,it will lead to unforgiveness and bitterness.

You need to forgive the person and move on.I am a living testimony guys!!

Jesus heals the brokenhearted ampa!

 

2. The next gentleman I date will be my husband and father of my children.GODWILLING.

Oh Yes!!

I mean,the next relationship will be dating with a purpose(courtship).

During my healing process,a family friend asked me to make three lists.The first list was “Things I will love to see in my future husband “,second list “The things I know I cannot handle in a relationship/marriage” and lastly “The things I don’t necessarily like but I can compromise with in marriage or relationship.”

I will share with you two examples each of the above.It was a very helpful exercise and I entreat you to  do same in your  journal.

I ended up with many pages.

 


1.My future husband must be Christ conscious and live for Christ.

2.My future husband must be a good conversational partner(Communication is KEY.)


1.I cannot handle someone who does not take care of himself(NO POOR PERSONAL HYGIENE;smell good,dress decently,JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!)

2.I cannot handle someone who beats women or bullies others.


1.I will love it if my future husband is taller than I am,but if not, it’s all good(same height is okay or a few inches shorter…lol).

2.I will love it if my future husband knows how to really cook(chef extraordinaire) ,but if he just knows how to boil rice and to prepare tomato stew,it’s okay,at least he knows how to cook the basics.


 

 

3.Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do not make a decision based on your feelings and then,take it to God in prayer hoping He will bless your bad decision.

By doing this,your ears become deaf to The Holy Spirit’s prompting. You become blinded and see only what you want to see,you do not see the reality.

This is usually the point where you pray amiss, you become anxious and eventually you end up with a broken heart.

WRONG MOVE GIRL!!!

Let Go!

Meditate on the Word of God.

Take Time off to pray everyday.

Do not be afraid of being single again,

Fellowship with other believers and surround yourself with like-minded friends.

Read Christian literature on Godly dating.

Unlearn the things of the world and go God’s way.

Never too late to start praying for your future spouse and marriage.BEAR HIM or HER UP IN PRAYER,whether you have already met or not….Just pray for the man or the woman!

 


“For everything there is a season,a time for every activity under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

4.Set boundaries and do not create the atmosphere to break your boundaries

I also wrote down the mistakes I made in my first relationship and asked God to help me learn from my mistakes and to stay on track.

So for example,when I was dating,we decided that we were going to be careful with how intimate we got.

We created boundaries like; no kissing,no sleepovers and no sex .

Even though we had boundaries,we kept creating an unhealthy atmosphere that was contradicting our decision to stay pure.

Yes,so I told myself; Kwor,in your next relationship,you and your future beloved should set boundaries and make a conscious effort not to create an enabling environment for sexual immorality.

It is one thing to set boundaries and it is a blessing to remind each other of the stance you have taken to stay pure.When this happens,no one feels like he or she is policing the relationship alone.The joint effort to help each other grow in the Word and to strive unto perfection is beautiful.

So when I visit you and it’s getting late ,just say “Kwor,it’s pretty late and as much as I want us to hang out,I think it is in our best interest if we call it a day.”

That is LOVE right there!!


 

So yes,I believe that even when things do not go as planned,there is always a lesson to learn from our experiences and that of others.

With Love,

Esasina..xoxo

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28.

28 thoughts on “LESSONS FROM THE PAST.

  1. Reading this piece drew me back there, my first relationship and only relationship so far.
    The heartbreak was massive and I thank God for His healing. At the moment, I’m struggling with the issue of convincing a friend that we could remain friends which he clearly refuses to understand .. Most people say I easily “friend-zone” guys, but the truth is that the trust level is so low…

    But in all, I agree with you on the points made ;especially praying for your future partner

    Lovely writing, Bless you.

    Like

  2. Thanks a lot.
    Because of your post I’ll be buying a journal to write down the things you recommended.
    I bless God for your life and for your blog.
    The Bible tells us not to awaken love before it’s time, I had to learn it the hard way a few years ago and it marred my thoughts on relationships but thank God for second chances and for peace.
    Thanks also for the reminder to pray for our husbands its never too early to start.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Was blessed to have known u bh I think there’s much more I should have learnt . Thanks for this piece
    will try the list though lol.
    many a times the fear of being single results in girls feeling used and I cn relate but now I know better . Thanks girl friend.God bless u

    Like

  4. I love what you stated in the 3rd point. It’s so true and practical. I’ve always put at the back of my mind that “God won’t bless what He didn’t begin”. I’ve learnt to take everything to God in prayer, even the little things, like “God, the heel of my shoe is wearing off. Can you please let it hold on for at least, until this program I’m attending is over”? God listens and he’s interested in everything that concerns His children.
    Bless you Kwor.

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  5. Coincidentally I was speaking about ‘prayer for partner’ last night with a friend. I’ve always wondered how that could work lol especially when you haven’t dated before. And the lists! I’d love to try that😊. Dating with a purpose should be everyone’s goal. Unfortunately not most people see it that way😦. I love your posts Kwor!💝

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  6. This post has got me reminiscing.
    I also had one great friend who told me ‘I ❤️ you’ over Skype. I initially laughed so hard because I am normally the one to put guys straight in the friend zone before they even think about developing feelings for me. At that instant, I just gave him a very silly reason why we could not be together talking about how i was fat and he was so built, six packs and all so it won’t work. That was so stupid but the short and tall is our relationship hit the rocks after that. I later found out he had talked to my friends about it before telling me and he was really sad i said no with a useless reason. Somehow i do not regret it because I would have been a terrible girlfriend so either way I saved us from unnecessary roller coasters.
    Talking about praying for your future husband has got me thinking. For me, marriage is so far away that I only pray for things like getting a 4.0 GPA or the ability to speak fluent french and spanish. What you have written about prayer is true but I sometimes feel like praying for marriage now is restricting the plans I have for myself (grad school, job, travel around the world) but I guess I should take it into consideration.
    Hmm now I need to rethink about my prayer topics.
    Good read

    Like

    1. Hi Kiks,thank you for reading.Even though I dated once and it’s now over,it was a bumpy road.Heartbreaks are HARD!! Geezz!! I totally understand you, but I think it’s not too early to commit your future husband into God’s hands.We should get in touch,I saw French and I am already excited,I am studying French in France now. sinakodjo@gmail.com is my email address please get in touch Dear.Thank you for reading.

      Like

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